About this site

Here's a question for you. πŸ€”

What do you get when you take a chronic overthinker passionate about learning and doing and give him a new theological framework that he perceives as answering all his questions about why his church experience growing up was so wacky?

What happens when he takes his new ESV bible (because the old NIV bible was only the "Nearly Inspired Version"), a stack of reformed theology books, and a pint (or three) of beer and tell him to go conquer the world for Jesus?

You get a hardcore reformed pastor who is zealous about dominating church planting and building systems to scale the next big thingβ€”a guy who loves to drink and drink some more while arguing theology with lesser humans.

But you also eventually get a burned-out pastor who is angry at God and the world and takes everything out on his poor wife.

A guy whose neat "systems" and answers start to break down when his dad dies unexpectedly, his brother is killed, and he can't get justice.

When the church he leads starts to bite and kick – hard.

When his fellow leaders start dropping like flies – many committing suicide over the course of just a couple of years.

A guy who can't feel because feeling is scary and if he feels too much, he might just become too "charismatic"!

Hi, I'm James

  • I have been married for 25+ years, and I'm the father of three amazing teenagers.
  • I am a recovering pastor, church planter, and leader (14 years, 3 churches, across 2 states) who nearly lost his faith.
  • I am a man on an incredible journey of hope and healing.

This blog is about that journey – from struggling with my identity and fighting depression and anxiety to giving up alcohol and leaving my church and the evangelical faith I grew up with – my ups and my way downs. This is my story.

I hope it serves you.

Because I don't think my story is that unique.

You will probably relate to much of what I've experienced.

Just know this.

You are not alone.

And no matter where you came from or what you are going through – you too can get to grace.